I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
