I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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