I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
