dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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