I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
