She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
