if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
