So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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