rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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