Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
