ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
