You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
