I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
