I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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