So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
