I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
