just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
