I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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