so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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