I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
