Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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