How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You ruined the universe
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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