his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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