your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
