at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
