FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
how does that bad decision feel?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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