so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
