I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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