There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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