the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
