bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
