i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
