he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it hurts more in the daytime
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
