Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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