just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
