WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
