can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
