dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just want to make out with him forever
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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