its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
