I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
