Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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