I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
