bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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