then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
