In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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