Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
