You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
