I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
