OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
