whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
