im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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