on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
