shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
