Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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